Mr. Afternoon Nap: September 2018

Wednesday 5 September 2018

My First Trimester

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."

- Sophia Loren

Hi, I'm 37 single. Yes you're right, I'm literally not married. I once fell for someone whom I thought would give me all but since people change he did, too. In two years, I met another coloured man, (guess I think this race likes me for some reasons-I still have no idea what those are). We've been together for a year (literally yesterday which was also my birthday). This relationship has never given me an idea of the future because he is young, and I don't think he can clearly see me in his future.

Well, it turns out that life (really) has its own way of giving lemons and surprises and tons of crazy stuff. Last month, I found out that I was pregnant- OHHHH WOWW... I cried not because I was happy, but because I was scared. There were too many questions such as... "How can I raise a child on my own?" or "What would my friends and family think about me getting pregnant out of wedlock?" "How about work?" etc. etc. ...

The coloured man on the other hand admitted that he isn't ready to be a father. Can I force him to like this idea? No, basically not... so I am not forcing him to act like a dad. There were some days that I thought I needed him emotionally but he wasn't available, so I got tired of asking him to support me emotionally (basically that's all he can do- don't judge him though).

Question: Did I regret having this child?

I have to be honest, YES somehow but at the same time I believe that this is a blessing.

Now I understand how it feels like to be a mum or maybe not really... I think I'm still clueless as to how to be an average mum at least. At least, I got my own version of first trimester ups and downs from hormonal imbalance to physical changes, and the worst was I opted to commit suicide a few weeks ago. HOHOHO! Funny huh?

Question: How's appetite?

I've been trying to eat healthy, that's all I can do for now. Do I sleep early? NOPE. I get sick from 5PM to 12MN. Sometimes, I think I'd die soon HAHAHA! But oh I'm still or we're still alive and kicking!!! Thank goodness!

I've always wanted to write but I didn't have energy that I have been dragging myself to work since day one of my pregnancy. I can't even clean my table and even brushing my teeth sometimes is a pain. But here are some photos I took not for the blog but to keep my close friends and family on track.