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Sunday, 10 November 2013

Priceless Ambitions

Kissing Goodbye

Random thoughts from the plain Friday to a bedridden Saturday in the campus are about to be shared in a few.  Please excuse me if some of them are too silly, but most of them are quite personal reflections of what have been going on with my everyday ventures of love, work, career, family, and might be the results of odd brain-works of deceptions from the one I thought could be trusted with my feelings, and all of these have fired my spirit up  to give up everything I thought wouldn't do good to me emotionally. 

Negativity never has any space to the keenness of my bored intellect, but last Friday I decided to give up the ship for some reasons that "enough" has come to its end. First, I always believe that all women deserve respect from men regardless of their relationship status, distance, achievements, personal beliefs, physical appearance and social status. Well, let me put it this way...I have met a guy on my trip to the central part of Vietnam the first week of September this year. Honestly, I am I guess too gullible and should I say an open book and also innocent in almost all walks of life.  So yeah, this guy was charming, looked very wholesome, and he seemed like he was not an average man I had met along the way, someone who was salted away to perfection. I was very comfortable with him though I hadn't even with him for a day. In short, he became my inspiration, he made me believe that "soul mate" is for real. When he went back to Australia, we exchanged mails until we found out that it was easier in "Viber". 

Alright, don't blame me for being so stupid swallowing  the fact of false hopes that one day I would see him again and that I had his "prize" after all those casual conversations we have had since the day we met.  I know I shouldn't have, but somehow deep inside me, there are no regrets because I considered those as lessons that would take me to the other side of the bridge in which something good awaits to comfort my lost soul.  Being too sensitive doesn't always sound neat and first-rate but I am still struggling with this a way that I just give everything to the Lord especially when things don't go as I have expected.  

Friday was kinda lonely and plain to me, so after dinner I had my laptop on and decided to get a tall glass of "long island" to end the night because I was a bit down. Should I say that was the most horrible night ever because of the very simple message I sent "him" wishing him to enjoy his weekend for it was his birthday two days ago...I know he didn't have to reply to that but you know, would it take time for him to say, "thank you Susie, enjoy your weekend'! He has made me feel that I am no one to him and that I shouldn't continue keeping in touch with him. I made up my mind...I deactivated my viber because I didn't wanna talk to him anymore only to look pathetic and doltish. I just hate the fact that the way he talks to me makes me feel like I am not a woman who is worthy of "estimation"  especially from the one I considered a friend closest to my heart. Yes, I have been offended and instead of wondering whether he would reach out one day, I just left the puzzle pieces to time and I never fancy that one fine sunny midday, I would run into him and say HI. 

Well, maybe it wasn't his fault...but I have been ruffled and embittered, so starting today...I get my chin up, keep walking and leave his memories in the graves of his priceless ambitions. 

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