Getting a horrible nightmare for four consecutive mid-nights doesn't sound so good because it is killing me. Why do I have to see him with another woman even in my dreams? I'm worn out physically and emotionally...I thought I was strong enough to get over but it seems like things and feelings are at the peak of getting into the worst ending as a result of being paranoid at things. Is it my fault if I fell for him, though, he couldn't be trusted with my feelings? And...of course he isn't to blame on the other hand either.
One chilly morning, I woke up shivering, curling, sobbing into my knees feeling sorry for what I saw in my "delusion" seeing him ignoring me and looking happy with another girl. I always remind myself that what I had with him were simple hugs and "kisses" for a few minutes---in short he was never mine!
"Baby Crazy" (Bayram) always prompts me not to listen to any love songs before going to bed as it would make the sentiments worse. By the way, "baby" is one of those nice guys I met in G+ who turned out to be a part of the family tree of friends who would laugh at me sincerely when am at my worse yet willing to take a bullet for me. I could say that he is a bit childish and innocent yet charming in so many ways. Anyhow, going back to my consciousness...I knew that as "golden hours" pass by, my cravings for anything "Hispanic" has become stronger, wilder and more fierce that I ended up going back to my Spanish lessons. Gosh!
Uhmm...this afternoon while wandering around the grocery store for a bottle of Irish wine, I suddenly felt weak hearing the wobbly sound of Christmas, and it hit me that I was dumped, forgotten and on the rocks of fighting against my dense, naive illusions getting off my rocker again thinking about him...wondering if one day he would bother say hello. Oh no...I'm the most stubborn lady in this world of sneaky, wily, mixed emotions! Can't help but...to keep thinking until I'm dead on my feet.
|getting ready.. hehehe|